Is It Friday Yet?

What love means to a 4- 8 year old. Take a look at this cute video:

15 Signs You May Be in Love with Mr. Wrong

Ah! Love! Isn't it grand? Have you ever been "in love"? Sure you have! The majority of us has had the all consuming passions and desires for that special someone. I remember feeling weak at the knees as far back as primary school, but alas! It did not end well and there have been a few malfunctions in the affairs of the heart since then, including the not so frivolous subject of marriage. Yes, I let it get as far as the nuptials before realizing that maybe those alarm bells were intended for me, and "Mr. Right' turned out not to be not so special after all.

How are we to guess the consequences of attaching ourselves to "Mr. Wrong" when we are blinded, and often in a stupor by love? Here is a list of warning signs that will trigger those alarm bells; all you need to do is pay attention.

1) He is possessive. Is he alienating you from your family and friends? No, it's not sweet that he wants you all to himself. It is not healthy for him to control your every move; you are an individual who was not born attached to someone else's hip, nor should you be now.

2) Enjoys putting you down, especially in front of other people. Don't ever buy it when he says, "I was only joking!" It isn't funny, not for you and not for others witnessing the attack.

3) He suggests you modify your appearance. Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist from Canada. She tells the story of a potential partner who turned out to be not so nice, "You know something is wrong when a new man suggests you change something about yourself. I once dated a man and on the second date he asked if I would change my highlighted brown hair to red as he found red heads to be the sexiest of all women. If I had changed my hair color that would have been the beginning of many more manipulations where I gave away control of my Self. I would have given him power and acted as if I wasn't confident about how I look."

4) He loves taking the guys with him on your dates! How could you possibly put up with even one pal of his, who is bound to be inebriated by the end of the night along with Prince Charming, whom by this stage will more than likely be totally obnoxious and oblivious of your presence?

Judy Bolton and Wendy Bolton Floyd are sisters. They co-authored a great book titled "When Did You Know...He Was Not The One." Judy talked to me about the time she was attached to a man who cared more for his pals than his relationship, "I was married to my husband who unfortunately thought his friends and acquaintances were more important than his life with me and our two sons. It's one thing when you're a teenager and your friends are the most important thing in your life but when you're a mature adult and would rather hang out with your friends than assume adult responsibility than there is definitely a problem."
Hear that? It's those bells tolling...

5) He is difficult to get hold of. "When a man gets defensive about where he has been and who he has been with and gives weak excuses for being absent or very late a warning bell needs to be heard. If the man stopped for a haircut or to have his car washed there is no need for it to take half a day or for it to be a secret. While a suspicious attitude can frighten a man, being open and honest about his activities is a sign of not having secrets to hide", says Marilyn.

6) Avoids your friends and family and will not introduce you to his. What are the secrets that he is keeping? Perhaps he may fear your loved ones "may spot the creep" and warn you against him, or maybe, he just doesn't care! Bells will ring if you find there is a lot of mystery about his background. If you do encounter his loved ones keep an eye for their characters, it will say a lot about him too.

7) He is constantly complaining about money, or he is a miser with his finances. It does not equate happiness to be attached to someone who will question every penny you spend, especially when it's your own hard earned money! It is also a good idea to watch out for a guy who is absolutely hopeless with cash, wastes his own and then turns to you for loans, which of course are rarely repaid.

8) He is generally rude, especially to service people such as waiters and shop assistants. Does he anger easily? Watch out! This is a man with problems, who is not nice as you will more than likely discover later on as you pick your shattered heart off the floor or worse feel trapped in fear of him.

9) Now this is a big one! The tan mark: left hand, ring finger... Hello? Here go those bells again! He may tell you he is separated. He may not be lying, but if he is serious about you, I would suggest he takes a walk and returns to you with signed divorce papers, which brings me to the subject of children if he has any. Get very clear in regards as to when they visit, what the custody arrangements are and what his relationship boundaries are with the ex.
Of course if you have kids, please be very careful. It is not just your heart at risk here; children can be just as affected by break-ups.

10) He is not all that interested in sex. "A lack of interest in sex is a sign to be wary of if a woman is looking for a sexual partner. Many women seek well dressed and groomed men yet fail to ask if the man has had homosexual experiences. Often a gay man will seek out a powerful and beautiful woman as a cover for his sexual preference. He is not interested in her sexually but does want her as a cover”, says Marilyn. Gay men can make the best of friends, but romance? Be realistic. Hear this loud and clear. You cannot change him! It is up to the individual to reinvent himself, and in regards to his sexuality, that is something not even he can change. Of course a preoccupation with sex is a warning sign. Does he prefer lingerie at all times? Go for man that can appreciate warmer clothing, and is not overly concerned with how you look.

11) He suffers from constant blues unless he is in party mode. Big, big worry this one! Alcohol and substance abuse are not pretty and a co-dependant life is not a joyous one. If he is not happy unless he's high it becomes a deal breaker: "Get sober and stay sober on your own for the next 2 years, then call me and I am still available we'll talk." Seriously!

12) He puts his work before you most of the time. Since when is anything more important than you? If you don't believe you are to be number one at all times, you may need a little help to see that before you enter a relationship.

13) A bad sign is a guy who has an awful lot of exes who of course happen to be female (I hope) and are still hanging around and he claims that "it's okay for men and women to be just friends, so stop being so insecure." I once dated a man who was commitment phobic (oops, I hear bells again!) and on our second year, when I questioned his intentions towards me he accused me of being insecure and I bought it. So much so that I apologized to him! Do you believe it? I woke up to myself shortly thereafter and needless to say we were duly over. Who needs an idiot who says he loves you, but wants to keep his options open? "We need to see other people, no need to be exclusive." Rubbish! Don't ever settle for that unless it is what you want also.

14) You are always making excuses for him. You shouldn't have to do that. Watch out for the guy who gets defensive when you question him. "Attacks in responses to your questions needs to set of an alarm that this man is not accountable for his actions", says Marilyn.

15) Finally, trust your intuition. You know that gut feeling; the one that tells you that all is not well? Don't ignore it. It's more than likely more trustworthy than any man. If a male makes you feel anxious, insecure sad and generally feel not so good about yourself, stop and listen and you will certainly hear the sound of those bells. Remember, relationships, romantic or otherwise are to enhance your life, not make it more difficult.

I challenge you to consider this; the right person for you to fall in love with right now is you. It is only when you truly care about yourself that you will make only the best choices and have the clear vision to see through deception and unacceptable behavior.
One more thing; run for the hills should those bells start ringing!


X-Ray Numbers - The Guide To Your Soulmate

How come I love him but can't live with him? eBook

Searching For A Soul Mate

"Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person" Richard Bach (American author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull 1936).

For a long, long time I knew "he" was out there and that as fate would have it I would find him. This was the period in my life when I struggled for survival alone.I had just come out of a marriage, that I had not been ready for in the first place - it is always much easier to see these things in retrospect - and for the first time in eleven and half years, I was single.

I married in 1983 after a seven year (to the day) courtship. You might say: seven years! Wow, for someone who wasn't prepared for marriage, it's not like you rushed into it! Well here's the thing; I was 15 years old when we met and by 21 I had nowhere near the maturity required to contemplate wedlock. I don't know whether I really loved him at all, I had very low self esteem back then, stemming from lack of affection in my family and when this good looking young man showed an interest, I could not believe it! He was one of the popular ones at school, girls were lining up to be with him and he wanted me! "I better go for this", I thought, "I may never find anyone like this again."

This began a pattern in my life of getting involved with the first male who would come along because in my mind the chances of finding anyone else were close to none. I took in the attention and never stopped long enough to question how I felt about this person. I just wanted someone and that was it.

After my marriage break up I began the quest to find my "Soul Mate". When I would find him he would love and adore me and treat me like a queen and I would never be alone, or scared as he would take care of everything for me. Note that my plans never included how I would feel about him or what I would give to him. I was self centered and naive and terribly scared of being alone. I believed this magical man would be shot by Cupid's arrow (I really did!) and fall madly in love with me. Was I chasing an unrealistic dream?

Joseph Ghabi is a clairvoyant and medium. He started the “Free Spirit Centre” website. He has a good article in it about soul mates, "Soul Mates is another Soul that share the same exact similar way of understanding as the other Soul and in this lifetime so they decided to share their growth and understanding together. It does NOT mean Soul Mates have to be in a relationship to make it work."

A soul mate is not necessarily someone you will share a romantic relationship with; if it is it might not be a life long one.

In 2001 the "National Marriage Project" at Rutgers University ran a national survey of 1003 people aged 20 to 29. Of these 61% had never married. Social historian Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe headed the research and asked these young people questions in regards to their thoughts on marriage and divorce. 94% of the "never marrieds" stated that "when you marry you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost." When asked how important it is to them to find someone who shares religious and ethical beliefs only 42% believed that it is paramount to be with someone who shares these core values. I obtained this information from an article by Scott M Stanley adapted from his book "The Power of Commitment". He calls this myth about soul mates "soul-mate-ism". "The danger is that many people hold to their desire for a soul mate who does not exist, and believe all the most unrealistic and dangerous things that are attached to the term", he says.

As I look back at my experiences I can recall people I would recognize as soul mates and yet they were certainly not love interests. These days my own daughter fits that mold.

So what of romantic love? Should we all lose that hope of finding "the one" who will bring us endless joy and affection? I don't think so. I still believe that there is someone out there for everyone and that a special person will bring you precious gifts under the guise of life lessons.

We have this belief that our love soul mate will be exactly like us and that we will get along so well, but think about it; you will never have a clean house if you are both messy. The other side to this is of course that when two people are polar opposites they can also drive each other crazy, I know as a neat freak I would soon get fed up of picking up after a sloppy friend.

My view - now I am much older and wiser - is that the Universe will send to us the perfect balance, being the person whom we have the most to learn from. Although this can be challenging and we sometimes wonder how clashing with someone can in any way be educational.

This is an interesting piece of information from "Netscape Love & Personal" website: "So do soul mates really exist? Researchers from the State University of New York at Buffalo say YES! You can find your perfect soul mate. Here's the warning: It may only exist in your mind. Even if there is no such thing as a perfect soul mate, we can still believe we have found one. Both men and women are capable of developing a very real sense that our partners are mirror images of ourselves. That lets us see similarities that really don't exist. But if we think they exist, then presto! We have a soul mate.”

All in our mind they say? Perhaps this is the explanation for the initial bumping into walls, butterfly in the stomach "in love" stage when you first meet someone. Of course at this time all the bad habits and faults are invisible. It's because we have found "the one" that's why! It is important that for a relationship to work the negative traits rise to the surface and that we fight at times and still love each other anyway. Yes it is ok to fight; you just have to learn to "fight well". Be fair and remember it's all right not to win sometimes. The old cliché about communication being the key is quite apt I think. Let's face it; ESP was not on the curriculum at school so to except to be able to read each other's mind is pretty far fetched.

As I reminisce about the time in my life when I felt most alone, afraid and desperate to find "the man”, I wish that I had stayed on my own for a lot longer and got to know myself and learnt to fill my own needs, because I did not find happiness until I stopped and did just that. I made a decision one day that I was ok and if I was to remain single for the rest of my days that would be ok too. I had finally discovered that I could be happy without a man. Don't get me wrong it did not happen overnight, it was a struggle to just stop searching and just "be". I realized that I had all I needed all along and there was not a man in sight!

I did meet someone eventually and, you guessed it; it was just when I least expected him and he got to know the "whole of me" as a complete human being. I did not have to settle for anything less than what I wanted and deserved. I look at my partner now and goodness knows we have had a lot of downs with our ups, but the way I see it, I'm a soul, he's a soul and we are mates.

“How to Identify Your Soulmate” gives in-depth advice on dating, succeeding in love relationships and recognizing your soulmate. It comes with a FREE e-book, “Science reveals secrets to finding happiness.” Click here for details