How To Fall In Love...with yourself!

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

A few years ago, while I was licking my wounds after yet another break up and I was pondering, “Why does this always happen to me?” It occurred to me that someone did wrong by me time and time again because I allowed it; the reason for this was that up until that point I had no regard for myself.

Dr Phil says,” You teach people how to treat you” and he is right. My partner got away with a lot because I let it to happen. I could go into all the reasons for my low self esteem, but that would entail pages of psychological jargon on how I was brought up by dysfunctional parents who at the end of the day did not know any better themselves.

I knew on that day that I could not go on putting up with bad relationships, unsatisfactory jobs and lack of confidence and I wondered if I would ever meet the man of my dreams. How great life would be if I had someone who took care of me at all times whom I trusted and who would never leave me or hurt me. I realized at that moment that the person I was looking for had been there all along. Me.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is an interfaith minister and non-denominational wedding celebrant. She says, “I have said it before and will stress it again: Your first stop on the road to romance is with you! Looking for love externally, and even finding someone who seems to adore you, can be a fleeting thing if you do not have a strong foundation of self-esteem. It is honoring of oneself that opens the door for another to truly do the same.”

The first thing is to believe that you are someone worth loving. I know how difficult it is to look in the mirror and say out loud how much you love yourself. You feel so silly standing there staring at your reflection especially first thing in the morning - don’t know about you but I’m no oil painting at that time of the day - I still have a hard time with that exercise, but I am slowly getting there and I wonder sometimes whether I am ok just because I exist. It is irrelevant what my job is or how much money I have or whether I am married or single. I am, therefore I am loveable. There. It’s difficult but you know what? I am starting to believe it and more importantly live it.

I can be my worst enemy at times. Never mind the criticism my mother bestowed upon while I was growing up. She‘s eased off a bit now that I have grown up, but I have taken over where she left off. I am my own worst critic, according to me I cannot do anything right. That’s no way to treat someone you love!

One of the most important lessons for me is forgiveness toward myself. I have found little ways to show myself I care from small gifts and bubble baths to taking myself out on dates! Allocating time just for me felt like an awkward and strange thing to do at first but it's been during these periods that I have felt the most content.

I know now that no matter what anyone around me dishes out I will be ok, because I am. I have me to take care of me.

Caring for yourself involves all of you physically and emotionally. For a lot of women - and some men - learning to love your body is a tough call.

We are all aware of the perfect pictures of models on billboards and magazines and we all know the unreality of it and how effective air brushing can be, yet we still torture ourselves with strict diets, extreme exercises, diet pills and some with dangerous cosmetic procedures. Why? Why can’t we just be happy with our bodies just the way they are? We should be taking care of our health and be accepting of our personal size and shape.

Have you heard of “self talk?” It is that constant chatter inside your head, the conversations you have with yourself each and every day. That is what must change right there; the things you tell yourself about you. You look in the mirror and the conversation goes something like this, “Ugh! Check out my thighs! They’re huge! How’s this for a jelly belly? Oh God, is that a zit?” And so it goes on and on, telling yourself that what is before you is just not good enough. Who said? Who was it that decided your body is not up to scratch? You did. You made that decision probably before you even glanced in the mirror. So you see the self talk has to be challenged. Have you ever focused on something about your body you thought was negative and when you mentioned it to a friend they said they hadn’t even noticed?

How about changing that self talk to self praise? Negative self talk is a habit worth breaking. As for me, I am trying and when I revert back to my old self defeating ways, I try hard to treat me with a little compassion, commend myself on how far I’ve come and start again.

So… how about a little kindness? Start with you and you’ll see it spread and come back in no time.

“We turn not older with years but newer every day” Emily Dickinson.