Allow me to tell you a story about the handsome young man and the desperate girl. It is a true story and I can convey to you every detail precisely as it occurred because this dismal tale is my adventure.
I have withheld his real name because at this stage of my life I do not need to hear from him, his lawyers or worse his mother! For the purpose if this account I will call him Tony.
I met Tony in an Australian pub on a Sunday afternoon. Shortly after my arrival there I spotted my friend; a young woman I will call Janice whom I had met at my new job. Being the demonstrative type she shrieked when she saw me and leaped towards me arms wide, smiling while blowing air kisses to me. Janice was ecstatic to see me apparently! She gestured toward the handsome young man and all I noticed was his eyes; very green, very hypnotic on a striking face. He was extremely good looking but I did not fall in love with him straight away. I don’t remember being introduced to him. I did not immediately recollect his face the next time I bumped into him but I recognized those eyes.
I had just returned from a backpacking trip overseas and because I had been away a long time I had lost touch with many of my old friends so when I met Janice I jumped at the idea of meeting new people and building some kind of social life.
I regularly met up with Janice and her boyfriend Gary who introduced me to his old school buddies; Tony was one of them. I spent many weekends with them and got to know Tony quite well although, at first, I did not feel a great deal of attraction toward him. Janice, Gary, his friends and I went out to clubs on a regular basis and I can honestly say we had a ball.
One night after a night of heavy partying the gang returned to my flat where I had been living alone. We drank, smoked weird stuff and played a strange game of charades when out of the blue Tony kissed me; just like that. I wanted to react and shout “What the hell do you think you are doing?” but that kiss was like no other. It had not been love at first sight for Tony and me until that moment. That kiss opened up my heart and he moved right in! When everybody went home I was left half drunk, bleary eyed and bewildered. What had just happened? It was one stupid kiss, which is all that took place between us that night. The one kiss that changed everything.
I didn’t seem him again until the following weekend and for the next few months we always went out as a group. He would kiss me passionately at the end of each night. No words, no communication. Nothing but a lingering goodnight kiss.
One night during one of our outings the guys in our circle got into an argument with some thugs which resulted in Tony’s car tyres getting slashed. We found ourselves stranded so we caught a taxi to Gary’s place and decided to spend the night there while he and Tony planned to return the next morning to change the tyres and collect the car from the club car park. I don’t know how it happened and I know I was not overly inebriated but Tony and I ended sharing Gary’s spare room and it was in that room that the most passionate, painful and draining love relationship began.
We were together for two years and in that time I was not ever included in any of his family events. In the beginning I spent a lot of time at his house while his parents were away on holiday in Greece where they originated from. We had a great time. For two months, I visited him often and while on vacation from work I spent an entire week with him.
We would talk, read, paint and listen to music together. We seemed to have so much in common. I was happy and I knew by then that for me it was love. I looked forward to each and everyday so I could see him until the phone call came that his parents were on their way back home.
His family returned and I was no longer welcome at the house because his mother wouldn’t have it. I knew she didn’t like me the very first time I met her. I had a strong feeling that I just didn’t measure up. She was a small Greek woman quite ignorant and void of any manners. She would just look at me with distaste and her eyes surveyed every inch of me starting from my feet to the top of my head. I was not Greek and I had been married before and in her culture that made me “a woman of ill repute”.
On the rare occasions that I would visit she ignored me and would talk to who ever was in the room about me as if I wasn’t there chatting about how wonderful it would be if Tony met a nice Greek girl. He did nothing about it; not one word to his mum about how she treated me. I ignored the warning bells.
I eventually got tired of her and suggested that he move in with me so we would be free of his mum and live like grown ups, but alas! There was only one grown up in this relationship along with an overprotective witch and a little boy.
On the day we had planned for him to move in he turned up and explained to me that he would have to wait as his mother collapsed upon hearing the news of our decision and a doctor had to be called only to confirm that she was indeed fine. Tony said we would have to wait otherwise she would cut off his allowance. By the way did I mention he did not have a job? He was studying, living with his parents and taking a weekly allowance from mummy dearest.
We continued to see each other at my place and whenever I suggested going away for a weekend together he would respond with, “Oh!Uhm! I don’t think Mum is going to like that!” “Are you serious?” was my reply, “You are 28 years old!” But he was serious; he was very serious and very inconsiderate towards me such as the time he invited me to his brother’s birthday party at the house and refused to come and pick me up because it would upset his mother. So I drove myself and you can imagine how comfortable I felt from the minute I rang the doorbell!
I would call him sometimes and she would answer the phone and inform me that “It was not a good idea for him to come and speak to me, because he had study to do and didn’t I talk to him yesterday?”
The handsome young man was just a little boy. A boy who could not let go of mama’s apron strings and when I finally gave him an ultimatum to choose between us he begged me not to leave him and suggested we get engaged immediately and he would stand up to his mother. We arranged to meet for lunch and choose a ring the very next day. I selected a beautiful white diamond solitaire and in my heart I thought I had won him; that feeling lasted until dinner time.
He arrived at my apartment shortly after 6.30 p.m. and as he held my hand in order to place the ring on my finger he pulled away and said,” I can’t do this to her, I just can’t” All I remember is yelling something like “Get out” before the flood of tears came and stayed with me for 3 days.
That was the last time I ever saw Tony.
I ran into him 10 years later in a restaurant. He was having lunch with his children. I looked around to see where his wife was as I saw a woman approach the table. Curiously I looked closer and I recognized her immediately. It was his mother. I breathed a sigh of relief. Yes I dodged a bullet alright!
How to Tell if You Are Dating a Momma's Boy
• Does he live with his parents?
• Is he financially independent?
• Does he often cancel plans due to his mother’s disapproval?
• Does he listen to her advice before asking you for yours?
• Are you excluded from his family events?
• If she calls him does he drop everything (including you) to attend to her
• Does he stand up for you if she is being less than polite towards you?
• Does she answer his cell phone?
If you have answered yes to any of the above take a step back and examine the relationship very carefully.