Play video! Wishing everybody health, love and peace...Merry Christmas to all!
Do you always say "yes" when you really want to say "no"?
The late Dr Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D. wrote a fabulous book aptly titled, “The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome.” Dr Braiker included a detailed description of the symptoms of this ailment along with a quiz for self diagnosis and the “21-Day Action Plan for Curing the Disease to Please.”
Dr Braiker was a frequent guest on Oprah’s show and that is where I first heard of this “condition” and the hidden anger and resentment that goes with it. Passive aggressive behaviour generally follows as the sufferer has an enormous fear of not being liked by others.
We all want to be liked, that is only natural and it is also relatively normal to want others to be happy in our company, but how do we know when the desire for esteem is excessive?
I found as I was growing up that I had to deal with serious self esteem issues; I did have an inherent fear of being unlovable and this often resulted in trying to be everything to everyone to the extent that I did not even know how I felt about anything because I would always adjust my thoughts and opinions as not to upset others or “rock the boat”.
We all know that “we cannot please them all” and as Dr Braiker says, “People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No" - but they can't. They feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defence camouflage.”
The “disease to please” is a debilitating condition that can hinder a person’s life and although you may not consider yourself a casualty, you may at times find yourself in situations when the need to say no is overshadowed by the longing to be liked.
I hate upsetting people and just a sad look from someone can break my little heart; some may say my compassion is a good quality but it has caused certain individuals to take advantage of my kind nature.
It was at a time of stress and over commitments that I realized something had to give; I had to learn how to say “No” and still like myself.
There are three ways of relating to one another 1) aggressively 2) passively 3) assertively.
For some the fine balance comes quite naturally but for some of us it has to be learned and belligerence can at first be mistaken for assertiveness. The reason for this is that when an individual has always reacted passively there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground in order to stand up for his or her self. The idea is to find that fine line between aggressive refusal and being a submissive door mat. It is a matter of self-confidence. If you truly believe your own worth it will be a lot easier to set appropriate boundaries.
Make up your mind what you are prepared to say yes to and stick to it. Writing down your goals can be helpful. Prepare a reason or a compromise beforehand if possible. Before you decide to say yes make sure you are totally aware of what your compliance will entail.
If your intention is refusal make sure you make your answer very clear, for example say, “No, I am sorry but I don’t have the time this week” instead of, “I’ll try to do it..."
The one thing to remember is that you have every right to say no whenever you do not want to do something and keep in mind that you can ask anything of any one as long as you don’t forget that they too have the right to refuse.
What about those times when saying no is not an option? There are occurrences when a refusal may hurt someone or your business or worse get you fired! Compromise if you can by asking the other party to meet you halfway or set conditions on your acceptance, such as a time limit, a return favour or simply request you not be put in a similar position next time. It is of course wise to use careful judgment in each instance; sometimes it is unavoidable and you may be obliged to do things you are just not in the mood for. The important thing to remember is not to get worked up about it. If you can negotiate a better solution do so, but if you discover that you just cannot get out of something the best way to handle it is to accept it and endeavour to plan better next time instead of becoming angry and resentful.
My motto is honesty and politeness. I found that making up false excuses has more often than not backfired on me and created problems I did not anticipate. Others may appreciate “I am too tired” or “I don’t feel like it” as a better alternative to a half baked white lie that will more than likely result in you becoming unstuck in the future and it is imperative to deal with people in a polite manner whenever possible. You don’t owe anyone explanations just a gracious “I can’t make it today” should suffice.
Guilt is the price we pay for assertion sometimes, especially when dealing with a master manipulator or a child. Most people do not want to hurt or be hurt, but boundaries need to be in place for relationships to be healthy. A good way not to feel as though you’ve been put on the spot is by telling the party involved that you will think over their request and get back to them. This way you will have time to decide what to do, how to handle it and whether your feelings of guilt are justified.
Remember that in your quest to be liked you will earn more respect by standing your ground when required in a fair and assertive manner, than always complying to other’s wishes, aggressively reacting, or worse of all, silently resenting while fuming with antagonism.
Be true to yourself. Earn respect and stand firm all the while leaving your heart open. Arduous as it may be, your fear of being disliked will eventually diminish and you will probably acquire higher regard from others than you thought possible.
My Time With Judy
Some of us spend our lives looking for a mentor, someone who can teach us the most valuable lessons for our lives and then something happens and we realize that the teacher had been there all along. Everyday we encounter people and they generally come into our lives for a reason whether we understand that at the time or not.
Her name is Judy and her intelligence and wisdom sparkled in her eyes. She was a mother to six and a grandmother to thirteen. She led a normal life with ups and downs with her husband of around 50 years. Together they raised the large family she was so very proud of. She worked outside the home during a time and I am sure with such a big brood to take care of, things would have been pretty tough, but that glorious spirit never ever stopped shining.
Our dear close relative was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year and when we saw her last, two months ago, she looked different, she was bedridden but her spirit was so strong; it was soaring as she lay in her bed and was organizing everyone around her to take care of things, to tie her loose ends, because, you see, her faith was solid and she had come to what was possibly the most peaceful time of her life. You see, she was practicing acceptance. She had come to terms with the inevitable and accepted it; she vowed to leave it all up to God now as she found herself in a situation neither she, nor anyone else could control. She did not want to reach the end of her time on earth fighting outcomes; instead she made the wise choice to enjoy every precious second she could muster with her loved ones as she sat up in her bed as best she could beaming with pride and she observed her husband, their children and grandchildren.
We live a long away from her and I was taken aback when I visited her, not by her appearance – I was prepared for the changes- but her attitude, her acquiescence.
The phone rang early in the morning and we knew that the beautiful light had gone out for sure. I looked at my husband, his eyes were red and he looked tired and old; he was neither of those things a few months ago and I know he will come back to his young self again; right now he is exhausted by his feelings. He has lost his mum. We found out that she had passed and that peaceful energy is gone, the smile, the blue determined eyes are closed. She is no longer breathing. We were unable to be there with her when her light went out and what a bright light it was!
This is about a life, a rich and full life. A life lived with integrity, pride and above all love. There are a lot of people touched by this tragedy and a lot of individuals grieving and reacting to the injustice of this disease.
Why? Why her? Why now? These are the questions that always comes to mind at times like these. I have been told it’s God’s will and everything happens for a reason and there is a basis for all of this, we as mere mortals are not expected to know what that is. I admit that I find that a little hard to acknowledge at present and for that I apologise.
The end can come for any of us at any time. It does not discriminate age, sex or gender. So is there no way of knowing if or when it is going to be our turn.
Judy was not a perfect person, nobody is, but her positivity was an all calming influence to anyone who knew her. You could not help but relax around her.
It is now that she had gone that I have come to realize what a precious teacher she was and I have regrets. Life is busy and we did not spend a great deal of time talking. Whenever we came together, which unfortunately was not often enough due to the distance between us, we would connect so well. We were dissimilar people but she truly was like a dear mother to me. I never told her any of this, even after her grim diagnosis. My reasons were based on denial on my part. I could not practice what she did so well, acceptance. Intellectually I knew what was happening to her, but I was paralysed by another part of me who would not come to terms with the situation and had me convinced that we would spend this Christmas with her, because such an essence could not possibly die; but it did, or at least has moved on and I so desperately need to trust that one day we will convene again and I will again experience her all soothing influence.
My time with Judy, while she was sick, taught me one of the most valuable life lessons, the only time you will ever a have is now. That’s it. Tomorrow will not be here until then and yesterday is nothing but a memory and that is exactly how she spent her last few weeks, revelling in the attention, enjoying being looked after. “I feel like a queen, sitting here in my bed, watching T.V. all day and look,” she said as she picked up a silver bell from the bedside table, “all I need to do is ring this and someone will come running to see what it is that I am needing, how lucky am I?"
Lucky… Judy considered herself lucky. It is not to say that it is fortunate to be bedbound and sick but it is the way we perceive situations in our lives that determine our happiness. It is about choosing how we see circumstances. Judy could have spent her last days miserably feeling sorry for herself and despising her condition and this would have prevented her from the beautiful precious time she had with her loved ones, memories made from love for all of us to treasure.
She became excited at the prospect of reuniting in the after life with a grandchild who died several years ago and she genuinely could not wait for the encounter. Judy’s faith was a precious gift.
Judy was an amazing person who worked hard at preparing her loved ones for a life without her. She gave away jewellery and clothing to whomever she chose so she could see the look on their face as they received the gift; she did not want family members to deal with all that, because she knew how much she was loved and how difficult it would be for her kin to go through all her things while in the depth of grief.
We caught a plane two days after she passed and upon our arrival to her house on the day of the funeral I was handed a box containing a few pieces of jewellery Judy had chosen for my daughter and I. She had everything so amazingly well thought out.
What can I do? What can I say? What should I be doing? The rug has been pulled out from under me and I am at a loss as to how to handle it. How do we put one foot in front of the other now?
This was a warm, courageous, wise and spiritual woman who will of course be dearly missed and who has left a significant legacy. I sincerely hope that by my life’s end I can put into practice even a small portion of her warmth, positivity and acceptance.
Thank you Judy, you have changed who I am,you have made me better and I love you.
R.I.P.
Barack Obama Elected 44th President And A New Puppy For Sasha And Malia
“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer…
I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause…..
And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.
Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House…”
From Barack Obama’s Victory Speech.
I hesitated before writing this because I have no political knowledge or interest for that matter, but how could I not comment on history? History was made on 4th November 2008. The first African American President of the United States has been voted in by the Public.
I am not American, but I know this will have a ripple effect all over the world. It is not about what President Obama has planned for his country, although even in my ignorance I agree that a change will be beneficial, but what this demonstrates to all of us is a huge step forward for humanity.
I was listening to the radio this morning here in Perth, Western Australia and one of our residents, an American lady named Karen phoned in to the radio station and said, “We have finally opened our eyes, we have been colour blind all these years…”
Oprah Wynfrey a staunch Obama supporter ended her joyful celebratory comment with “the Colour Purple rules”.
John McCain is more than likely a good guy but what chance did he really have?
I’m not starting a political discussion here, because as I said I am too uninformed to stand my ground on anything in regards to this and truthfully, I wouldn’t even know what I’m talking about. I am not a black person either and all I know is what I learned about the oppression black Africans endured and, yes the world has come a long way from 1619 when a Dutch slave trader exchanged his cargo of Africans for food in Jamestown Virginia, but until now, not far enough. The exchange made by the Dutch man was the beginning of a race-based slave system which was fully developed by 1680. This event shaped black people’s existence in America.
Established in 1866 and boasting 5 million members by 1925, a so called organization called The Ku Klux Klan‘s numbers were spreading. The resentment the whites had toward liberated Negro slaves was merciless. Some blacks were tarred, feathered and in some case beaten, lynched and had their homes burnt down.
There was segregation in public places such as restaurants, buses and schools where Negros were not allowed to mix with whites. The discrimination was not limited to the States; I was in Cape Town, South Africa some 37 years ago and I remember entering an all black’s café with my parents and to my surprise being asked to leave
I have been listening to the news and I heard all about the Presidential campaign, the jokes about George Bush, the defamation of Sarah Palin, the disparaging comparison made by John McCain’s team of Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and more. I shrugged and rejoiced in the fact that I don’t involve myself in politics. Even when I became aware of Obama’s victory at first I did not pay a great deal of attention and dismissed it as an event that would not make a great deal of difference to my day to day life until I heard snippets of Barack Obama’s victory speech and had the realization of what had truly happened.
According to Kansas City.com and Tony Pugh from McClatchy Newspapers John Hope Franklin, professor emeritus of history at Duke University said, “This is one of the most historic moments, if not the most historic moment in the history of this country"
Horace Huntley director of oral history at the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute stated, "I've taught for 35 years and I always tell my students, 'When race comes into play, logic has a way of exiting.' But I may have to revise that thinking after this, now it appears that logic may be overtaking the illogical. It appears there's a groundswell of sensibility."
Nell Painter is a history professor emeritus at Princeton University. "The idea that we can vote for a black person for president just really makes me feel good about the United States, given our history," Painter said. "It's like we're saying 'Look, we're not these bad old people any more. We're fair-minded.' It's a powerfully positive statement about the United States turning its back on its evil ways."
Racial issues may not be completely resolved, but what a giant step forward for America and the rest of the world!
The world can be so sad in places and unfortunately a lot of the time it is our own doing; racial discrimination is one of those instances where we forget who we truly are. We are all spokes from the same wheel and nothing is more heart-rending than the shunning of another human being as inferior.
Barack Obama’s victory is huge. It is the realization of Martin Luther King’s dream and its effects will be experienced by all people.
I used tell myself the world had evolved but had it really? Now I know we are all heading in the right direction.
Homer Simpson tries to vote for Obama
Click Here to see Barack Obama’s victory speech in full.
UFOs And Flying Saucers-What Do You Think?
“UFO EXPERT WANTS TO CONNECT ROBBIE WILLIAMS TO BRAINWAVE MACHINE. Robbie Williams has spent two weeks at Trout Lake UFO camp, UFO expert Michael C. Luckman says Robbie wrote several new songs about aliens during his stay. Luckman has revealed that the singer plans to return to the camp very soon and has invited him to be connected to a special brainwave machine that will help train him for alien contact.” NOW PUBLIC WEBSITE posted by Vinny | October 1, 2008 at 01:44 pm
I have an open mind, I do and if someone is to start a conversation about, say angels or ghosts I’ll be in there with my psyche wide open. I love discussing stuff like that, the occult, the paranormal, you get the idea, I find it all fascinating.
When it comes to the subject of aliens and UFOS my ideas are a little more closed. I find it difficult to get my head around the fact that there are people out there who have witnessed or worse have been abducted by little green men with oversized eyes who jumped out of a flying saucer.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not poking fun at the “believers” as I never dismiss anything and the subject of unidentified flying objects and the like does interest me, I just have a hard time believing a lot of what I read and hear. The thought does occur to me though, that if I was to have had a genuine UFO encounter and I wanted to tell others about it, I would be very upset if I was met with disbelief or ridicule.
The most famous UFO/Alien encounter story is the one from Roswell, New Mexico, USA, on July 7, 1947. Since the eighties this incident has become subject to many rumours and speculations. UFO advocates claim that fragments recovered from the area are those of an alien craft; the US Military states that what was found is the debris of an experimental surveillance balloon connected with a classified program called “Mogul”. UFO enthusiasts not only maintain there is suspicion of a cover-up, they also claim that bodies were also recovered by the Military.
This is the notorious video titled “Roswell Alien Autopsy” on YouTube.
Many have seen this and many have labelled it a fake, but there are also numerous individuals who swear they believe it to be a true alien form lying on the autopsy table.
First Lt. Jack Trowbridge spoke, for what is presumed to be, the first time in regards to his experience with the Roswell incident. He tells the story of the night of the crash on Roswell Confessions.
Lt. Trowbridge was assigned to Roswell in April 1947 and was further assigned to Intelligence along with his commanding officer and Head of Intelligence Major Jesse Marcel. The night in question began with most of the members of the Intelligence Department gathering at Major Marcel’s home for a game of bridge. All were present except for Major Marcel who was out on his pick up gathering debris from a wreckage.
Upon the Major’s return, the bridge game was abandoned to inspect what Marcel brought back. It was a fragment of something aluminium in appearance that retained its shape after being squeezed much like a candy wrapper along with aircraft skins and girders with pictures of hieroglyphics. The next day the evidence was brought into the office and the staff was immediately told to keep quiet. According to Lt Trowbridge, Major Marcel was instructed to lie to the press and demonstrated in a press conference a weather balloon claiming this is what was found. The reason for the omission of the truth came about so “the public would not panic”. Lt Trowbridge said’ “I don’t think that would have happened, but the word came down from above and you do as you are told.”
Carlene Green daughter of Sgt Homer Rowlett also states that her father who had been assigned as part of the clean up crew in 1947 gave her a death bed confession in 1988.He told her that she should believe in a cover up and he had been instructed not to talk about it to anyone. She is backed up by her brother Larry Rowlett who also claims his father revealed to him in the late 80s the existence of graves and the threat from the Government should anyone speak of the incident and lives and family member’s lives would be endangered should the secret be revealed.
There are those who will attest that the so called cover up was in fact an alien spaceship which crashed in the high desert region of South Eastern New Mexico during a thunder and lightning storm near the small town of Corona.
Tom Carey and Don Schmitt are the authors of the book “Witness to Roswell.” On Roswell Investigator, they wrote, “A local sheep rancher found its strange debris – and something else – while riding his ranch the following day. On the advice of friends and neighbours who had urged him to seek a monetary reward, he drove seventy-five miles to the town of Roswell to show pieces of the debris to civilian and military authorities, as well as local media there. The Roswell Daily Record, in a front-page, headline article a few days later, stated that a “flying saucer” had been “captured” by the Army Air Force near Roswell – not Corona – and, as a result, we have referred to a “Roswell Incident”, instead of a “Corona Incident”, ever since”.
Skeptics have argued that the crash fragments were indeed that of a weather balloon. William "Mac" Brazel, foreman of the Foster Ranch found the evidence and because of its unusual appearance decided to report the find. “Skeptics” note that over the years several tests have been conduced in the area including weather balloons, nuclear explosions, detection balloon tests, airplane crashes and dumping of featureless dummies from airplanes and the discovery may have been made up of remnants of such tests.
There are differing opinions and both make sense. It is plausible to think that there may be other life forms in the Universe, in fact I believe it would be very arrogant of us to dismiss that perhaps other species not only exist, but that they may be a lot more intelligent and advanced than us.
There are numerous accounts of abductions and sightings such as the story of Betty and Barney Hill who on September 19, 1961 experienced what is probably the most renowned alien abduction story in the US. It became public knowledge in 1966 through a movie and a book.
Betty and Barney were driving South on the Highway just after 10 p.m. when they noticed a star which appeared to be following them. As it tagged behind them, it seemed to be getting brighter as it went along. Barney stopped the car and took a closer look. He decided it resembled a type of military aircraft. He made a comment, “How interesting, there is the military pilot, and he is looking at me!” He noticed other people staring at him through the windows. At this point Barney and Betty became quite frightened for their lives. They continued to drive at a much faster pace in order to get away from the strange craft. They heard a beeping sound coming from the trunk of the car and as they continued on their way they both started to feel lethargic.
They heard the beeping sound a second time and that is when the doziness stopped and they both felt wide awake again and to their surprise they learnt upon checking the time that it was 2 hours later!
The following day Betty discovered “a dozen or more shiny circles scattered on the surface of the trunk, each perfectly circular and about the size of a silver dollar” as she took her sister’s advice and checked the vehicle for radiation with a compass. There was no movement from the compass until placed on one of the shiny circles; it then began to spin violently and at this point the Hills decided to file a report with Pease Air Force Base in Portsmouth.
It was eventually revealed that according to report no 100 – 1 – 61 of the SAC 100TH Bomb Wing, Pease radar had the reading “unknown” at the precise time the Hills had their encounter.
A few months later the Hills began to feel repercussions from the event such as nightmares and high blood pressure and fatigue. Barney developed a strange circle of warts around his groin area. Husband and wife underwent a series of medical exams and were referred to Dr Benjamin Simon for hypnosis therapy which lasted around 6 months.
Under hypnosis Betty and Barney recalled sitting in their car which was surrounded by “humanoid looking men” wearing black uniforms. Betty described a long needle inserted in her stomach and Barney had a circular gadget painfully attached to his groin. They were apparently given a tour of the ship and finally, before being released they were told they would have no recollection of the events.
I guess seeing is believing. What do you think? Keep an open mind as it may well be that the “Truth is out there”.
Do you “believe?”
More about Roswell:
Roswell Alien UFO's 60 Years Later - VOA Story
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